It’s very silly for a person like myself to claim a spirit guide, but I do, and he is Jackie Chan. Don’t get me wrong, though: I know that Jackie Chan is a human being, with flaws and weaknesses, but he’s a human being with incredible talent and a generous heart. His work inspired me to start exercising, start being out in the world more, and be a more present, fun mother. Ever since that dream I had where I woke up as Jackie Chan, I’ve been cultivating happiness and a more generous heart. That dream changed my life for the better, helping me find my inner “Jackie Chan” and let him out to play.
I am so grateful for that dream, and so grateful that I found it within myself to be amongst the living again, with all the crazy fears and joys and vulnerabilities that living entails.
If it hadn’t been for Jackie Chan’s “spiritual guidance”, as it were, I wouldn’t have found myself where I am today, in a new relationship that has brought me a great deal of happiness already, and I hope will continue to for a long, long time.
It was because I was looking for a Chinese fan at Goodwill so that my son and I could try to recreate the fan fight scene in The Young Master (1980). There I ran into an old family friend I hadn’t seen since my husband and I divorced. Turns out he’d been trying to catch me since I’d moved back to town because he wanted to ask me out. I hadn’t seen him in years and out of the blue, we run into each other at Goodwill. Because I was all gung-ho about getting a fan to practice Jackie Chan style kung-fu moves with.
It floored me that he wanted to date me. I had no idea. I had come to accept myself as being unattractive, and I was used to being invisible. Although I had been cultivating kindness and acceptance towards myself for weeks through meditation, going to church, and exercising and training for martial arts, I had given up on my romantic side. My heart was capable of only getting me into trouble, and I dared not trust it or let myself think that anyone who could be interested in me would be someone who could really do right by me and my son. I was only attractive to losers and crazy people, and history had proven that to be true. So what in the world could this guy, who I’d known for so many years, and who had been a friend to me and mine, what would someone like that want with someone like me?
I said yes anyway. I regretted it at first, mostly because I was scared and didn’t trust myself to make good choices, but then he was so kind and respectful of me, that I began to think, ok, well, why not? He’s really good looking and has an amazing job, he’s really smart, so why not just see where this goes?
It’s been a couple of amazing weeks filled with happiness and kindness and generosity. When I’m with him, I feel present. I feel more like myself than I’ve felt in a very long time. And the more time we spend together, the more about him I like and respect. And I like and respect myself more and more. Better still, I’m less afraid of being vulnerable, and am more able to cultivate my own heart’s generosity and kindness, towards myself and the world. I’m able to find ease in this, and allow myself to be guided by my friend’s optimism and ease in being.
This could not have happened without my spirit guide. I would not have been ready for this. I would not have been in that store, at that time.
So thank you, Universe, for getting me here. Thank you, spirit guide Jackie Chan, for helping me become ready to live life again.