It’s been nearly a month since I wrote out some of the goals I want to accomplish this year, and I think that this is a good time to check in with myself to see how I’m doing.
Confounding Issue #1: My computer went on the fritz about a week ago and I have’t been able to get anyone to work on it yet. So I’ve been making do with my pocket computer (aka “smart phone”) for the time being. It’s not the same, and I’m missing out on getting some critical things done (hello, taxes!). But at the same time, it’s forced me to spend more time reading, sewing, vacuuming, and such, so that’s a good thing.
Confounding issue #2: Cold, rain, and colds. We’ve been getting a fair amount of rain, which is great for drought relief, but at the same time I’ve been neglecting my running, because every time I’ve gone out in the cold, I’ve caught a cold. So I’m just laying low for the time being. I have been pretty regular about tandem bicyicling with my neighbor at the gym, so at least I’ve been getting some cardio work in this winter.
What has been going well?
I have been “in the world” more this month. I went to a writing group last week that I enjoyed immensely. I was nervous, but I didn’t allow myself to dwell on that. I simply took a chance and went. I trusted myself to be able to handle it, and I trusted that the others in the group were going to be kind. I let myself share – share my joy, my heart, my gratitude, and my silliness. I let myself speak from the heart, I let myself be generous with kindness. I had learned to keep those kinds of things locked up inside me, for the most part. But in that space, I could trust that generosity would be met with generosity, kindness with kindness. It was amazing to be able to express myself without fear of being denigrated or dismissed.
That was definitely a step in the right direction. I’ve felt so much more confident and calm this whole past week, more like my old college self. I think a huge part of it was being able to share myself as a writer. I am a writer because I write, and I can write well and generate joy and beauty with my words. And I am now able to feel like that part of myself is healing and growing more and more vibrant. I feel like I’m able to reclaim that identity in ways I wasn’t ready to before.
In summary: I’ve definitely made some progress towards some of my most important goals, and that´s good. I think that I should do these self-checks a little more frequently, maybe twice a month or once a week.